The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius





 POSSIBLY a little crabby.

So last summer, when we went to the downtown aquarium and realized that to get in would cost $75, we decided to buy their family membership.  After standing in a twenty minute line listening to blaring and frankly nasty music, I paid (???!!!) for the opportunity to return to the place for a year- it was about $150 for the four of us- AND THEY DID NOT HAVE ANY MEMBERSHIP CARDS.  AND THEIR CAMERA WAS BROKEN.  AND THEY DID NOT HAVE ANY GUEST VOUCHERS.  So the guy told me to save my receipt, and I did.

Anyway, today was our first trip back to the aquarium, and I was absolutely prepared for them to have no record of my membership.  I was pleasantly surprised when they found me in their computer, and neither pleased nor surprised when we then had to stand in a 20  minute line to get the membership cards.  But eventually we made it in.

The aquarium actually does have a pretty nice design, but jeez, making your way through feels like a trip down route 66.  "See!!!  80 foot tall jackalope!!!"  They have decided that pretty much everything in there is an opportunity to hawk some crap.  There is ACTUALLY A SIGN UNDERWATER advertising scuba lessons.  You can pan for gold en route, for $3.50.  There is a seat on a barrel and you can stick a quarter in to get your feet massaged.  You can buy a stuffed otter after the first fifty feet of the exhibit. 

(note: the installation of this aquarium was very, very controversial here in our land-locked city, for many reasons, not the least of which was the addition of TIGERS (because they are so, you know, aquatic) and the original owners were unsuccessful.  It was acquired by the owners of a well-known seafood restaurant corporation.  Imagine that.)

Once you emerge from the aquarium, you can: ascend a climbing wall: $5.  Get your face painted: $3. Touch a horseshoe crab, or feed something, I forget what: $2.  Eat a pretzel, or a snowcone, or some other ghastly stuff.  $500.00

Then, to get out, you HAVE to pass through a gift shop, or you can eat at the actual restaurant, for $500.  At the gift shop, you can purchase any number of Barbie Mermaids.  See below- kind of a cool restaurant, if you like bad service and $500 food.

Plus, outside, you can go into some shaking, vertigo machine for an extra charge.

Finally, the only restrooms in the 3 story facility are in the basement.  To get to them, you have to, you know, pass through the climbing wall/face painting place, pass the restaurant, go through the gift shop, and then go through THE BAR.

Great place for families, folks.