Self-Serving

Christmas is complicated as soon as the first child marries- whose parents rate the visit on the actual day? Can we do the eve with one set and the morning with the others? And when grandkids come, whew! There is Santa to accommodate- we know he's magic, but we try to make it easier for him by NOT being in a motel room on the big night.

And then, some traditions die hard. We girls kept our stockings at our parents' house for years. The certain breads and cookies that my mom made every year, the cheese spread. My older sister and I actually got into a yelling fight the year that I hosted Christmas day in my own home. It's hard, hard, hard to let go of Christmas morning in the same place.

But of course, ALL of US know that hosting any big event is stressful, and added to the planning, buying, wrapping, mailing, cleaning, baking, cooking, table-setting and extra-chair-providing, the noise level on the big day is enough to completely gut the actual occasion of all joy.

We've gradually eased into experimentation: our side of the family will have the traditional, blow-out celebration ON A DIFFERENT DAY than December 25. Our side of the family will relocate the celebration to an inn in Taos for New Years. Our family will celebrate for 3 successive nights, and each family will prepare one big meal. (The only gifts exchanged that year were lodging in a bed and breakfast up the hill from my parents'). Our family will meet at a skating rink. (True. That one wasn't very fulfilling.)

This year, my parents, sisters, niece and nephew and "outlaws" (that's what we call the fellas who married in) are meeting for a swank dinner to celebrate Christmas. The children under 18 will receive gifts. No one else is allowed to exchange gifts at the meal, and my invitation specified "if you feel you MUST give a gift, you need to arrange a separate meeting, or use the U.S. Postal Service."

This year's arrangement may have been designed to save money. After all, even an expensive restaurant dinner for a family of four will be cheaper than carefully chosen gifts for 8. And one of us lives on only one income, but always provides the same number of gifts. I know, I know, it's really not about numbers of gifts, but we all get sucked into the gift escalator. So. Cost savings for sure.

But I'm telling you, the real beauty in this one is the stress reduction. I know I don't need to list off everything that goes into making or choosing the perfect gift for someone you truly love. I certainly don't want to minimize the satisfaction of getting it just right. I'm just saying, the reason I'm able to pull off the homemade candies, baking for the cookie exchange, hosting the book-club, etc., etc., is because of this family arrangement, which was determined a couple of months ago, allowing me to rest easy.

We'll see how it goes. Maybe it won't be very satisfying. But I'm telling you, I'm pretty satisfied with it right now.