struggle, struggle

Latest message to Rose's school:

Hello,
Rose reports that she is alone at a table in the lunchroom every day. She says the other children are "scared of her." As you recall, this was not a problem last year, because the tone set in the classroom was warm and welcoming of whatever contributions Rose could make.

Obviously this is heart-breaking, and I think probably a relatively easy fix. I'm pretty sure that social skill development is part of her IEP.

I have consulted other parents on the Parent to Parent Listserve. This is a great resource for parents of children with developmental disabilities. I know there are several educators who are members as well, as it keeps their finger on the pulse of parent-teacher relations in the special ed community.

Anyway, here are some of their suggestions:

My son has autism and with that comes behaviors that discourage other kids from wanting to be near him. 2 years ago we tackled that same lunchtime problem. At first kids in his class were assigned to be his lunch buddies and then the speech therapist sat with him too. She kept conversation going and encouraged other kids to laugh and "play" while they ate. It really helped! My son will still pinch, hit, and grab other kids food at times. But they still sit at his table because he also likes to "play" funny lunchtime games during lunch that the ST taught him and his peers to enjoy. A few times I've gone in at lunchtime and watched kids "save" a place for him. Not sure if it's their idea or an "assignment" but in my opinion it doesn't matter. The perception is that they want him to sit by them. The thing I like best is that it's not always the same kids and that he's never alone. Good luck.

This breaks my heart....not sure what grade your daughter is in, but I know someone who has IEP goals of socialization. So, they created a "group" for her...it's a popular thing because whoever eats lunch with her daughter gets to go and do something fun....like make bracelets, play cards, play games .... with just her and a few other kids. It is all facilitated by the SPED teachers, but reg. ed teachers totally support it. This girl gets to pick who she'd like to have lunch with, after kids sign up....there are plenty of kids to choose from because a lot of them want to.

my son's school also did the lunch group all the way through middle school. He always enjoyed the group experience but somedays he didn't want to eat lunch with the group. He wanted the down time and just wanted to chill either in the cafeteria or the SPED staff would let him eat in their room where it was quiet.

We continue to believe that XYZ SCHOOL is a good place for Rose. This year has been rough, due in part to the changing social dynamics of her classmates. However, as evidenced by the parent suggestions, it can be surmounted regardless of the age. I know the team will respond with deliberate and active programming. Please let me know what the plan will be for helping Rose have buddies.

Thanks,
Laurie and Peter