Start Your Engines

My thoughts have been frantic, half-formed and shoving for the last several weeks, and sleep has been psychedelic and intermittent. This is not completely unfamiliar, and sometimes I take pills when I start to sweat and palpitate. I recognize it as seasonal panic, surely complicated by my abrupt and complete cessation of exercise.

Some things that have really helped are:

• Having a small notepad and pen at all times. I write everything down that is a must-do (sometimes I write it down even though I am taking care of it right then) and everything that is a good, creative idea.
• Making jokes about the voices in my head. This has really simplified introductions in certain circles; my art club members always say stuff like, "This is Laurie, and Laurie, and Laurie... When she says, "shut up!" she's probably not talking to YOU." And then they sort of figuratively ruffle my hair.
• Telling my husband. Sometimes he responds in a very helpful way. Sometimes he's eye-rolling and superior. Then I tell him how un-helpful he's being, that I wouldn't tell him these things if I wasn't perfectly aware of unrealistic/fatalistic/pathetic I sound, and he needs to please shut up. Then I go and hug him, and he feels all guilty. So really, double pay-off, there.
• Listing the simple things that are the most meaningful, and deliberately providing them for myself. The holidays, for example. I don't need a whole lot more than: the tastes of my mom's cheese balls and her cranberry bread, the smell of evergreens, cinnamon, and peppermint, the sounds of my friends and family and almost all versions of almost all Christmas carols, the sight of birds, snow and red ribbons, and the feeling of giving anonymously to children in need. (Eggnog almost made the list, friends...)

On this long holiday weekend, I hope to use this frenzy in a productive way, planning, baking, organizing, and reflecting on how good things really are. Happy Thanksgiving.